There are questions without answers.

People often describe an experience as being “rollercoaster.”  Noah has been nothing but a rollercoaster.  Not the smooth kinetic kind that we grin through.   He is Space Mountain.  Blackness interrupted by strobe lights that leave spots in your eyes, piercing shrieks, shocking twists that pop your neck.  As the car rolls into the gate (head spinning, stomach swirling), and we prepare to stumble away and sigh relief.  The seat belts stay latched, and we ride again.

It’s not all bad.  I wouldn’t want to ride that rollercoaster with anyone else.

Before all this went down 2 weeks ago, Noah revealed a dozen big and little milestones all at once.  This is the disney experience I wanted!   I jotted them down just so they can smile at me next to my pjs in the closet, and I can smile back with a prayer of thankfulness.  It helps maintain perspective of progress, in spite of the wearying work.

The BEST thing he is doing is LOOKING at me.  Not just looking, but looking at me and smiling! I had wondered about his eyesight or if he is autistic.  Now he delights in being played with, while previously he didn’t seem to care!  He seems more like a typical baby now, and we are all enjoying how FUN he is!

This is my happy little illegible list.

I have never had a kid change so much in just a few days!

Regardless of how dark scary his health is, or sunshiny bright Noah’s development is, God’s strength and goodness is my rest and praise.

In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.  Psalm 138:3

So I hold tight to my sweet boy, and try to enjoy the ride.