“for I am with you”

During the NICU days I spent time meditating on and memorizing this verse:

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

There has been much reason to fear these days, and much of my day is spent imagining what it will be like if…

This is what’s been on my mind lately.

“Fear not… be not dismayed” is my part.  I must be obedient in pushing away those fears, but I do not have to do it alone!

“For I am with you… for I am your God”  God, who spoke the universe into being, who loves us and made us His own is with me as I change those diapers, and with me as I hold my screaming baby to the table as they stab holes in his arms, and with us as we hear hard news from the doctors.

“I will help you.”  He will help me when we hear words like “oncology,” and “chemo.”  He will help me when I have to teach my baby to put his fingers in his mouth, and encourage him to turn his head and other things babies are supposed to do on their own.  He will help me read a pile of books to a pile of boys, and take the crew to the park, and enter the boy’s sleepatorium for the seventh time and sing sweetly at bedtime when all I want to do is sit with my baby (as if that somehow will make him all better).

“I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  He holds me up in righteousness when I can’t do anything right.

So, why should I be dismayed?  Why should I fear?!  It’s a minute by minute decision.