Noah’s appointments 2 weeks ago showed that Noah’s oxygen requirement is now worse! He has BOTH central and obstructive apnea, and his doctor won’t check him for at least 6 more months. We were told he might be done with it before he was 6 months old, but now it looks like he will need it for much longer. (feels like forever!) He now has an appointment with ENT in 2 weeks to see if his airway has any obstruction they can fix with surgery. If it helps him breathe better, we will do it.
It has been a hard several weeks. Noah first assessment from the school district was OK, showing only 1 area of delay, but his “6 month” (which was actually done at 8 1/2 months) showed a severe delay in 4 of 5 developmental areas, and we are watching him for autism, and let’s increase services. I cried. Right there in front of the teachers. And in the shower for a few days.Expectation is tricky. Should I expect? Should I hope for my son to achieve and do great things? Should I lower those expectations? Should I steel my heart to the desire for him to be better? Really, if you have an answer, help me out!
((hugs)) I’m so sorry. I think the only thing we can expect is for God to be there and for Him to have a plan…a far greater plan than we can ever expect or imagine. Keep leaning hard on Him. He knows. He knows. And His love is overwhelming, everlasting, and all-encompassing. Nothing surprises Him. He has you, He has Noah, and He has your family.
Courtney, I’m sorry that I missed this post earlier. I cry with you and for you and for Noah. No parent ever wants his or her child to suffer or struggle in any way. And here you are watching your son and wondering what struggles will be part of his life. Of course you can and should hope for Noah to do great things. You wouldn’t be who you are if you didn’t. However, what are great things? What we in the world see as great or what God sees as great? So while I don’t think that you should lower your expectations, perhaps it would help to change the expectations to what God expects. According to Micah 6:8, it is to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our God. Something tells me that Noah is going to be an overachiever in those areas. Also, try not to look too far into the future for Noah (or any of your children.) That can lead to fear and doubt and worrying about tomorrow when we know not what a day may bring forth. Trust God that His strength will be made perfect in weakness (II Cor 12:9.)
I want to wave a magic wand and make all of the pain and struggle go away for you and for Noah. Hearing those words “severe developmental delay” from professionals is frightening. But all along we’ve said, “He’s just Noah.” He does things in his own way and in his own time. Steel your heart a bit if you need to in order to keep it from shattering, but always leave room for God and Noah to melt it. I love you.
Carol