Days before Noah was born 1 year ago held so much certainty.  I like to think God was smiling in anticipation of His plan to be revealed to us.

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.  Proverbs 16:9

I knew this baby was different.  There was a dream I had early in the pregnancy.  I was at a therapy session with my toddler.  We were cheering my big boy on with trembling joy as he crawled awkwardly.  He never showed his face, but I could see the shape of him, the extra flexible legs, his elbows bowing slightly the wrong way, all his edges extra soft.  Part of me wondered if this would be our reality.  Whatever this “vision” was, I blew it off as unlikely, but the image and feeling of that dream crept into my mind as I was folding laundry, in waiting rooms, or when little boy bumped in my belly.

20 week ultrasound.  Everything looked good except for one slightly enlarged kidney and a little fluid around his heart.  Our perfect baby might have something wrong with his heart.  After a series of appointments locally, we were sent to see the maternal fetal specialist in Burnsville.  After a tense and long appointment, the doctor said the walls of his heart were thickened, and it was squat and round shaped.  The nurse mentioned offhandedly as she looked at his file that he had tested positive for Down Syndrome and something else we can’t remember.  Dave and my hearts skipped a beat simultaneously.  But we had declined testing!  She was surprised, and said it must have been a mistake.  We were relieved.  The cardiology appointment went beautifully, and the fluid around the heart had disappeared.  Our baby was perfect.

He did not thump around inside my belly as my other boys.  He was subtle.  I didn’t feel him until much later in my pregnancy.  His movements were not sharp or jarring, but gentle and snuggly.  Even as he was inside me he was a cuddler.  He would sway and wiggle, his movements only serving to dig in deeper like squishing your toes into warm sand.  I felt that cuddly contentment from the inside out.  Now his whole body melds to mine as a chubby leggy one year old, trying to be absorbed again by momma.  It’s pure love.  It’s mutual.