Just to clarify, this is all outside of what I can handle. My eyes are red. My heart breaks ten times each day. I am a mess.
But the Almighty God who created all things and controls all things is with me. His words are like food (much better than anything from the cafeteria), and I am so encouraged.
It is not ok that Noah is sick, it is not ok that I haven’t seen my boys in almost 11 days, it is not ok that Noah will have a lifetime of struggles ahead of him. I am ok because the Lord my God with me and for me. Noah is ok because Sovereign Almighty God is with and for Noah.
Yesterday Noah failed another hearing test.
His white blood count had dropped again and the percentage of blasts also dropped (good!), and his platelets had dropped again after the transfusion (bummer). Will test again tomorrow to see when he will need another.
Really exciting news today is that Noah nursed his first full tummy meal! He knows how, but now needs to figure out how to do it 8-10 times per day.
Unfortunately his oxygen requirement has been up and down. The doctors don’t know why. We are just waiting and watching.
He is adorable and snuggly and I love him.
Oh Courtney your words are so true and full of grace even if you feel like a mess. Remember God has the other boys too! I am sure as a mother that is such a huge struggle tofeel so torn but right now Noah needs you the most! But if you are able I encourage you to step away and visit the other boys during this time that Noah is getting stronger…eventually he will be nursing 8 to12 times per day. Sometimes it can be so good to step away from all the hospital routines and get home for a break! I will continue to pray for Noah and for your peace and strength!
Let yourself cry, let yourself be sad and even let yourself be mad. You are human and these are emotions that I’m sure are consuming you; and that’s ok. Thankful he nursed an entire feeding 🙂 go, Noah, go! Many continued prayers.
As I read your beautiful words, I just keep thinking what a strong woman you are, Courtney! I am in awe of your faithfullness in this trying time for Noah… But ultimately Noah is God’s child and He will see him through this! Love and prayers for you and Noah!
Just want you to know that we are continuing to pray for you. I have a good friend that is a mom to a daughter with DS that is now 18 years old. She would love to contact you if that is okay. Just let me know.
Oh Courtney, I so wish I could hug you right now! As a mom, I completely understand why your heart is breaking seeing your new son go through this, but honestly, all I keep thinking about is how much God believes in you and Dave — you CAN handle this…this is why you are Noah’s parents and what a blessed little boy he is to have you. You are so patient, so loving, and so faithful. Your family is beautiful and are in my prayers.
There are no words. ((hugs)) Lean hard on Him. He is faithful. Noah is precious. May God grant you all strength, peace, comfort, hope, and healing.