Not Crushed

by | Jun 29, 2015 | Blog Posts | 0 comments

Last week Wednesday I took Noah to a new Endocrinologist.  His labs have been half great, and half terrible.  When the doctor refused to acknowledge any of his 9 big and little symptoms as being related to her field, because *some* of those labs look so good, and blamed his issues on his Down Syndrome.  When I asked about other treatment options that are available, she said they are being researched now, and we won’t have data for many many years.  Well, my baby has this problem now, and we know it will impact his development negatively to do nothing.  We don’t have years to wait for the research to catch up.  She was unwilling to try anything different.  We left with no help at all.  I was not crushed.  Disappointed, yes, but not crushed. 

In the days and weeks before this appointment, in reflection, I was being prepared.  All that morning I felt like God was preparing me, sweetly reminding me of His goodness and Sovereignty.  For example:

I woke without the alarm before my children, and showered uninterrupted. I had time to replay Word in my head, pray and set my day with sweetness.

I gathered my papers and Noah’s things as my bed-headed, bleary-eyed children wandered from their room. They were funny and pleasant, and not fighting with one another. There were morning hugs that popped my neck, and they set about their morning chores (mostly) without prodding.  It was a rare “I-must-be-doing-something-right” kind of moment.  Encouraging to this discipline-weary momma.  “He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.” Isaiah 40:11

My shoes lay inside by the open sliding door all night, and when I slid my feet into them, they were refreshing and a tiny bit damp.  Was the dew lain on my sandals just for me to revel in the Creator?   The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.  Psalm 19:1

I waited at a stoplight and the biggest, most exotic, dragonfly I’ve ever seen landed on the hood of my car just long enough for my eyes to focus on the details, and left me thinking God’s concerned about details.  “Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”  Luke 12:7 

I was reminded as I drove that whatever happens, God is still on His throne.
The LORD has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all. Psalm 103:19

So the next steps will include seeing a doctor outside of our insurance network. We will have to scrape a little, but I am confident based on what other DS moms who’s kids have this problem that this doctor will at least have another option for him.Some men trust in doctors, and systems, but I trust in the name of the LORD my God.

Meanwhile he keeps growing up.  He signed “more” today!  He’s learning:)

 

 

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